a bit on love.
Happy V-Day. I know this day can be hard and, honestly, just sucks sometimes. Life happens and it’s not always sunshine and candy hearts. Last year was one of those kinds of years for me and this year has brought its own unique bag of challenges as well. This, as you can only imagine, has had an effect on our marriage.
I feel like I am slowly becoming who I am supposed to be, but boy is it a rough transition. I am having to pull back each layer one-by-one and really look at every part of me--the good and the bad. One thing that has stayed constant this year is Aaron's unwavering optimism for which I am grateful. The stress of life has challenged us but we are bent not broken. I am so thankful we have been married 4 years. Well, now almost 5. In the whirlwind of life where things seem to never be concrete it feels nice to have a buddy, you know?
I figured we could share some things on this V-Day about marriage that have helped me (well, us) as a couple on this strange sometimes mind boggling journey. Wherever you are at in life I hope you guys can most importantly love yourself today. Sending love to you all!
My Tips:
1. Don’t try to change them.
You loved them for a reason. When you spend so much time trying to change someone, you can sometimes lose things about them and even yourself that you loved in the first place. Still working on this, so I’m right there with you.
2. Create Traditions.
I, personally, love traditions. I love repetition and all that jazz. We have created some great traditions. Haha, for instance Aaron just started performing improv comedy routines to me when I am sad. He will use material from our own life-haha, like a story about how much I hate porta potties. I won’t get into it here, but it's good stuff that always makes me laugh. It’s fun to make traditions like this and will be so fun to look back on.
3. Don’t Compare.
Couples are so different. Some couples our age have kids, houses, or maybe even more adventurous sex, lol, yeah…I went there. Just be yourselves and don’t worry about others and def don’t compare yourselves to couples on TV or in movies.
4. Disconnect to Connect.
This is something that is always a work in progress with us it seems. I really want to cut down in the upcoming months and also for years to come. I just feel so much better with my phone far away from me, don’t you? I find that leaving my phone in another room completely is exhilarating. It gives Aaron and me the freedom to really be present with each other and grow deeper together. Try it out!
Aaron’s Tips:
1. Always look at the bright side
It's inevitable, bad things are going to happen. Some things much worse than others. But in all situations, try to see how it could possibly turn into something good down the road or try to see how you may have been spared from something even worse. When you are able to look at things differently, you can learn to appreciate what you have much more.
2. Go outside
Part of living in NYC means that every once in a while you realize you haven't left your apartment in 2 days. Sometimes I realize this right in the middle of craziness. So whenever we're in the middle of any kind of negative situation, I think to myself... "have we been outside today"? Most of the time, that really is the issue. We need to go outside and breath some fresh air. So I just tell Brynn, "let's go for a walk". That walk usually changes things in big ways.
3. You're not always right
I waste so much time trying to prove that I'm right. Sometimes you just need to let it go and carry on. If we're ever going in circles about something where we are both trying to prove that either of us are right and the other is wrong, I just take a step back and ask myself "if we even come to common ground, will it matter"? Most of the time, it's no. Just let the argument go and move on to something else.
4. Keep people fed
Last, but definitely not least, make sure that everyone is properly fed! Hangry is real. And by real, I mean super real. When it gets to the point of hangry, all diets are out of the question. I'm throwing candy bars, pizza, hamburgers, and fries at Brynn to help the hangry go away. We also keep a constant supply of nuts in the car just in case we ever accidentally skipped a meal. They've been a real lifesaver!